Erin Whitmer

Christian Writer and Speaker

  • Home
  • Meet Erin
  • Blog
  • Noah’s Road
  • Writes
  • Speaks
  • Contact Erin
  • Free Inspirational Images
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Twitter
    • YouTube

Diving into Grace

June 28, 2017

diving into grace

I lay squinting in the sun, eyes half closed, toes woven through the thick plastic threads of the lawn chair, and I listen to splashes and laughter. I can hear my boys above the ripple of the crowd, their sweet voices cast into summer air. “Mom,” my redhead shouts, “come into the water and play with us.” I toss my arm into the air and wave back, but it’s not the response he’s looking for. I know I’m disappointing him, but the sun keeps kissing my skin over and over. Perfection like this comes so seldom and I just want to give into it. Be quiet and still. Hot, melted into serenity.

Time passes and I switch between lazy lounging and sitting up, enthralled in a book. These are the moments of summer, pages flipped as I bake in the sun, my boys in the background, their joy infectious. I put a hand over my eyes to shade the sun for a moment and I look off into the water. It sparkles aquamarine, a rough-cut shimmering birthstone.

My oldest son is perched on the rough white diving board. He bends his knees, throws his arms down with pointed fingers, and I watch as he jumps up and into the water like a slender pencil. Beauty like this, my sweet eight-year-old miracle child, brings my heart so close to the surface I’m afraid it’ll launch out of my chest like a rocket, skyward to heaven. I almost can’t stand it. Because intense love like that hurts.

We’ve fallen into the deep end with him, trying to breath through dark waters of a brain injury and seizures, our hearts ripped open like a gulf in the black abyss below. But Jesus gave us hope and we held onto promises we didn’t understand, but still we held on. We reached our arms out, sure someone would grab our flailing hands and hold them tight. And Jesus did. He pulled us out of the water when we thought it would be easier to drown. And here I am. Watching.

I watch as he swims to the side instead of the ladder and the lifeguard startles him with a shrill whistle. He looks to me with alarm and I wave him over to the ladder. He swims like a puppy tossed into the water for the first time. Not strong, but steady even if slightly flailing. He is awkward. But ripple-by-ripple, as pool waves crest over him, he reaches the side. And it’s about all I handle. That God could give me this child. Save him when I almost lost him. After a portion of his brain almost shut down his body with seizures, that he can move across the water and swim back to me, it’s a grace deeper than I’ve ever imagined.

“Mom,” Avry shouts. My redhead, my second born, sees me alert, and he’s not going to take no for an answer this time. “Come play with us,” he says again. Freckles have exploded like stars across his face.

Suddenly perfection isn’t watching my children. Somehow I yearn to be a part of it, to dip my feet into grace, to feel it as it swirls around me. And so I do what I seldom do and walk to the diving board. I step onto the sandpaper surface. My kids are jumping up and down, cheering and screaming. “Mom’s jumping in!” they shout. And I do. There’s no grace in the physical of it, a bit of nose-plugged flailing is the best I can do, but my children don’t care. And suddenly neither do I.

Do you feel drained? In promises gone missing? In hurt deep? I’ve been there. When you subscribe to my blog posts, you’ll receive my 7-Day Devotional, Praying to Move Mountains, FREE. I’ve walked the journey of pain, and this devotional is the mountain birthed from it. Don’t worry, at the most you get one email from me a week. SUBSCRIBE HERE.

Faith, Motherhood, Special Needs Parenting, Uncategorized · Leave a Comment

« Pinning the Imperfect Marriage
The Summer of Sadness: A Hope for the Brokenhearted »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published.

Want a happy inbox?

get weekly blogs and freebies without the fuss. don't worry;
i don't sell or share my subscriber list.

Blog Categories

  • Most Popular Posts
  • Faith
  • Marriage
  • Motherhood
  • Special Needs Parenting
Meet Erin

Meet Erin

Noah’s Road

Noah’s Road

Speaking

Speaking

Do You Hide What God Wants to Reveal?

Do You Hide What God Wants to Reveal?

  Let me tell you about the morning I learned how God can reveal wisdom and truth even through the moments that make us want to spit out our coffee. I was curled into my oversized family room couch with my Bible open and milk swirled into my steaming coffee beside me. I was in…

Erin’s Book Nook: Stay the Path by Bobbie Houston

Erin’s Book Nook: Stay the Path by Bobbie Houston

A week and a half ago I was slogging through the day, overwhelmed by my tendency to take on too much, anxious about my book proposal in circulation, and with a heart too raw for my own liking. (You can read a little more about that in last week’s blog, Are We Still Seeking Popularity.)…

If you want the church to change, go and be the church

If you want the church to change, go and be the church

When was the last time you were involved in a heated discussion about the church? Maybe it was about your home church and something that drives you crazy. Or maybe some “crazy Christian” made a comment that offended you and a discussion ensued about how “the church” is a hot mess. I’ve witnessed and been…

Read more faith blogs

Tags

3 Ways You're Getting Tangled by Temptation 5-Day Faith Fix @erinmwhitmer abusive head trauma A Heart Laid Bare and spiritual Apostle Paul baggage claim Comparison Devotional doubt Elizabeth erinwhitmer erin whitmer failure faith faith in Jesus in hard times Faith to Pray faith walk fear following Jesus God holy spirit how to survive a pregnancy loss as a couple Jesus Marriage miscarriage Noah's Road Noah Whitmer parenting prayer Praying to Move Mountains pregnancy loss Sarah satan SBS seizures shaken baby syndrome summer Temptation trinity of self waiting who’s targeting your marriage Why I Refuse to be Pregnant with Fear www.erinwhitmer.com
  • Home
  • Meet Erin
  • Blog
  • Noah’s Road
  • Writes
  • Speaks
  • Contact Erin
  • Free Inspirational Images
Inspirational Christian writer and speaker • Erin Whitmer
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
Based in Virginia and serving East Coast & Southeast states including VA, MD, TN, GA, NC, SC, FL, AL, and beyond.

Copyright © 2021 · Erin Whitmer · Christian Writer and Speaker · Hello You Designs